New Version of the Bible

To Promote Relevance a New Version of the Bible is Available

To promote tolerance, pluralism, ambiguity and ambivalence, a new version of the Bible has recently been released. This new version of the Bible, called Anybody’s Version of the Bible (ABV), promises to be one of the most exciting versions released in recent history. As some church leaders and consultants struggle to keep Christianity relevant, the ABV will provide an invaluable aid to support their ideas.

The fine leather bound ABV, available in black, burgundy or tan, contains two hundred pages of fine linen paper that are completely blank. You will receive with your ABV 1100 pages of the NIV translation printed on self adhesive stock. Between each passage is a perforation to make removal easy. When you receive your ABV, simply pick out your favorite passages and paste them into your ABV. You will be delighted with the results in your life from this new version of the Bible.

Gone is the need for hermeneutics or exegesis, and you can pretty much decide what you want your ABV to say. Tired of having to repent of your favorite sin? Leave it out. Tired of battling materialism and a preoccupation with wealth? Leave those passages out. Dislike forgiving? Want to keep bearing grudges? Leave those passages out too. Like the Savior side of Jesus, but not the Lord side? Pick out the comforting passages and paste them in. Leave out the uncomfortable and challenging passages. Dislike hell? Gone from your new version of the Bible.

With ABV, Context Irrelevant

Who needs context? And besides isn’t truth just me finding supporting quotes for how I feel? One of the greatest things about the ABV is that it promises to give the greatest support for sentimentality and religious emotion ever. With the ABV, I can keep doing what I want, when I want, feel good, and have a bible that supports it.

Even atheists will love this new version of the bible because they can lift passages out of context from all over the bible and put them beside unrelated passages to create contradictory sections of scripture. It’s great. Anything is possible. And forget what Edmund Burke said, “What is liberty without virtue? It is the greatest of all possible evils…madness without restraint. Men are qualified for civil liberty in exact proportion to their disposition to put moral chains upon their own appetites.” If he had possessed an ABV, he would have thought differently.

Tired of limits? Tired of trying to walk the narrow path? Now you can create your own path and have your own new version of the bible. Get your ABV today. Your ABV is also a helpful supplement if your worship style is classic Greek. See The Sunday Sacrifice: Is Your Religion Classic Greek?

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