If intend to become what God intends for me, I must win the pride wars. Like most of us, God assigned my present circumstance as my mission field. Here and now, I can effectively serve him if I will only trust him and obey. Too often I think my mission is someplace else or some other time. If I listen to my thoughts, my self, my pride seeks to deceive me and exert control.
Clues that my self, my pride runs my life or attempts to gain control:
An ongoing dialogue that what I’m dealing with isn’t fair.
An ongoing comparison of my situation with other people with envy disguised as criticism and self-righteousness disguised as innumerable condescending attitudes.
The continuous thought of ‘I can’t take this anymore.’
A continuous stream of judgmental thoughts.
The continuous thought of ‘I’d rather die than live like this.’
A refusal to forgive.
Meditation upon God, his Word, prayer, and study provide the solution to this problem. I can begin the journey walking in the light away from this dark place and win the pride wars by meditating upon Christ, his crucifixion, and resurrection. Will I bear that amount of suffering before I return home? And even if asked of me, what how does this suffering compare to the reward that awaits me? Ten or more years in prison and I will have a greater reward than Joseph. With God’s help, I will let go of it; for pride anchors and drags me into deep despair, and held onto, into greatest darkness.
If I confess it and bring it into the light, he will heal it and transform me. If I attempt to explain it away, it will grip me and twist me and turn me away from God. Belief in him and confession provide the only hope. Otherwise I will be lost. I must move away from superficial worship and self aggrandizement if I desire a true relationship with the living God.
Spending a year with Oswald Chambers is an excellent way to crush pride as well, utmost.org
